“Luther had gotten so sucked up, so turned around by the simple need to move—anywhere, anytime, anyhow—that he’d forgotten that the motion had to be put in the service of a purpose.” from Dennis Lehane’s The Given Day (opens in a new link).
Lehane’s character, Luther, is someone to whom things came easily in his youth, consequently, Luther saw himself as a mover and shaker who could manage any situation he faced. His misguided view cost him dearly. He was on the run from the law, he lost his wife and access to a son he’d never seen. It’s this reality that led him to understand that “motion had to be put in the service of a purpose.”
Who among us hasn’t acted, moved, without fully exploring the consequences of our actions? Or moved without questioning the reason why we’re moving? When we act in this manner, we operate on raw emotion. Someone, or something, intrigues us and we move in pursuit of what we find attractive…without regard for whether it’s truly what we want or, more importantly, it’s in our best interests.
This is a natural tendency we all possess by virtue of our humanity. I’m not any more exempt from this tendency than you are. The reality is that the most successful in life retrain their minds to avoid the consequences of highly-emotional choices. They learn to set aside their emotions in favor of a more conscious, objectively-arrived-at choices. It’s one of the primary reasons for their success.
How can you develop this capability?
For you
When you find yourself excited about a relationship or an opportunity, pause a moment and allow the emotion to subside. Then ask yourself:
- What are the upsides of pursuing this interest?
- What are the downsides?
- What purpose does pursuing this interest serve…for others as well as for me?
- Is that a purpose worth pursuing?
These questions will assure that the choice you make is well-reasoned and objective rather than emotional and reactionary.
For our kids
When kids are excited about a prospect or desirous of a relationship that may not be in their best interest, let them know that you’ll respect whatever choice they make. In doing so, you credit them with the intelligence, and good judgment, to make well-reasoned choices.
Then ask them:
- What are the upsides of pursuing this interest?
- What are the downsides?
- What purpose does pursuing this interest serve…for others as well as for me?
- Is that a purpose worth pursuing?
These questions will move them from the emotional state they are currently experiencing to one of objective analysis…and better choices.
As they experience the benefits of setting aside emotions in favor of objective analysis, they’ll develop the habit of putting motion in the service of purpose…a habit that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.
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