Confident and Aware

Are all confident people aware of their confidence? Are all self-aware people confident? The short answer to both is no. Let’s explore both questions in greater detail to discover why being confident and aware is a rarer combination than we might imagine and how this knowledge can help you enjoy being someone who is both confident and aware.

Confident, not aware

There are people who are naturally confident. Confidence seems to be part of their genetic makeup, but they don’t view their mindset as confidence Instead they’ll say “things just seem to work out.” Implicit in their statement is neither an indication that they feel that they are acting confidently or that they feel particularly confident. They’re more likely to feel that they are just naturally lucky. So, while they behave confidently, they aren’t aware of their confidence.

The vast majority of us don’t feel that “things just work out.” Indeed, when asked, many say that they are not confident…even though we all are confident to some degree and in certain situations. In other words, many of us are not aware of our confidence.

Aware, not confident

I’ve met many people over the years who are well aware of their strengths and weaknesses who are not confident. The reasons are twofold:

  1. They take their strengths for granted.
  2. Memories of their weaknesses are more vivid than those of their strengths.

It’s a natural human tendency to assume that something that comes easyily to us is also easy for everyone else. In other words, we don’t see ourselves as being special which translates into an assumption that others possess the same strengths we do. Indeed, it takes a fairly dramatic difference in ability for us to see the difference.

Because we employ our strengths so easily and they produce results so consistently, we don’t have vivid memories of these successes. Conversely, memories of our mistakes and previous failed attempts linger for years, possibly decades.

It’s these unbalanced memories, in which our mistakes and failures outweigh our successes…that result in our being aware of our strengths and weaknesses without gaining the benefit of confidence.

So how can we assure that you’re both confident and aware?

For you

There are many approaches available to us, but I’m going to limit our discussion to three to make it easier for you to employ them in becoming confident and aware. Each morning shortly after rising and in the evening, shortly before retiring, remind yourself:

  1. Of the things you’ve accomplished…and appreciate them.
  2. Challenges you’ve overcome because of your ability to learn and adapt.
  3. That your ability to learn and adapt is your source of confidence.

This simple three-step approach will enable you to not only be more confident, but make you more aware of your confidence.

For our kids

Make it a family affair. As a family, take time each day to recall the good fortune you’ve all experienced that day including lessons learned from mistakes made. When one of you is struggling to see the bright side of a situation, the others will help the person recall earlier successes that will restore confidence and awareness of the confidence possessed.

The joy of recalling successes, helping one another regain confidence and awareness, the bonding that comes from the love shared among all members of your family and the comfort of knowing that you’re positioning your kids to enjoy life regardless of the challenges they face, is priceless. And it’s all available in just a few minutes of family recollection. A small investment with huge return.

Let others know that you love them by sharing this blog post. They’ll appreciate that you care.

I love hearing your thoughts and experiences, please share your experiences in a comment.

If you’d like to enjoy great confidence, check out our Confidence Self-Study programs (opens in a new link). 

If you’d like to enrich the lives of others by teaching them to be more confident, check out our Teaching Confidence Instructor Certification program (opens in a new link).

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2 Responses

  1. bill prenatt

    Dale, As always I appreciate your invaluable insights. It is amazing how much influence developing that one habit of reviewing the day has on our feelings about ourselves.

    Thanks for caring and sharing!

    • dfurtwengler

      Indeed, Bill, reviewing the day makes a difference. What difference it makes depends on whether we perform the review with an eye to what we accomplished and what we learned or how royally we screwed up. It’s yet another choice we can make either consciously (preferred) or subconsciously (perilous). Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

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