Confidence…and the size of the pie

We’re all familiar with the concept of creating a bigger pie so that everyone is better off, but what does that have to do with confidence?

The simple answer is…everything.

Confident people

People who are confident, who trust in their ability to achieve anything they desire, know that their efforts will produce abundance…that there will be more for everyone. Consequently, they don’t expend energy or time worrying about whether their needs will be met. They know that there will be plenty for everyone if they do their part.

Insecure people

Conversely, insecure people doubt their ability to attain what they want. Consequently, they see the pie as either static or shrinking. Their concern is that others will take their share of the pie and they’ll be left even hungrier than they currently feel. They often feel helpless…that no matter what they do, they’ll lose some of what they possess today.

Creating confidence

You may recall from earlier blog posts that confidence is a skill. Like any other skill it can be developed.

The keys to helping insecure people make the transition to confidence are:

  1. The person must want to change.
  2. Their desire to change must be a 4 or 5 on a 5-point scale with 5 being high.
  3. They must be willing to do the work necessary to become confident.
  4. They understand that confidence must be nurtured everyday and commit to behaviors that nurture their confidence.
  5. Share what they learn during the transition with others.

Let’s explore each of these in greater detail

Want change

Unfortunately some people enjoy the victim role. They enjoy the attention they gain, the sympathy they receive and any assistance that sympathy generates.

What they don’t realize is that they exhaust others with this process and, ultimately, drive away people who could help them…which perpetuates their perception of themselves as victims. When others quit trying to help, the person with a victim mindset thinks “So and so doesn’t care. They no longer try to help me.”

My experience is that there’s nothing I can do to help people who choose to be victims. I can only help those who want to change.


My ability to help, in part, also depends on the strength of the person’s desire to change. It’s easy to say that we want to change. It’s much more difficult to do the things that we know we need to do to effect that change. That’s why I say that the person must rate their willingness to change as a 4 or 5 to effect the change.

Do the work

Achieving anything worthwhile in life requires work. You know that as well as I do. Indeed, the sharks on Shark Tank say that big ideas often take a decade or more to achieve. That requires not only a willingness to do the work, but to persist in that work for extended periods of time, possibly for the rest of your life.

While that may sound daunting, my experience is that the more I do the work the easier it becomes. In other words, I accomplish much more, more quickly because I’m persistent in my performance of the work. Getting results has the added benefit that what I’m doing no longer feels like work. It’s fun! The reason it’s fun is that I’m getting rewards daily from that effort…something that isn’t necessarily true in the early stages of effort.

Constant nurturing

I think I covered this in the previous section. I just want to reiterate that the more frequently you do the work, the more it becomes habit, the more quickly you get results. Frequent results changes the feel of the experience from work to fun.


A whole new level of fun is experienced when you share what you’ve learned with others. Not only do you enhance your understanding of how what you’re doing is producing the results you get, but you become more effective in communicating the process others can use to become more confident. Helping others always leaves us feeling better about ourselves.

For you

Following the simple steps outlined above not only enables you to change your perspective from insecure to confident, you help create a bigger pie…and encourage others to do so as well.

The more of us that there are who know that we are creating a bigger pie, the larger the pie becomes. You’ll enjoy abundance in many forms, in all aspects of your life.

For our kids

Who among us doesn’t want that life for our kids? If the kids in your life are confident, or at least somewhat confident, your job is much easier. You simply need to nurture the confidence that exists and help them draw upon that confidence in areas where doubts creep in.

If the kids in your life are insecure, ask them if they enjoy being that way. If not, ask them what they’d be willing to do to change…to be more confident and better liked. This will help you gauge their level of commitment to change.

span class=”s1″>If you surmise that they prefer being victims to doing the work to change, let them know that they are making a choice. They’re choosing to settle for the misery they’re experiencing. Let them know that it’s their choice and you’ll respect that choice. Then DO NOT revisit the topic unless they broach it.

Press the issue and they’ll resist. But if you plant the seed and let it germinate they’re likely to come back to you later to ask you what they need to do to change. Then, and only then, can you help them. I know that’s painful to hear, but it’s the reality. You can remain strong and able to help them when they’re ready…if you embrace this reality instead of fighting it.

When they’re ready, share the steps outlined above to help them make the transition from insecure to confident. The ones who choose to change will be eternally grateful to you for your patience, understanding and assistance in gaining a richer, fuller life.

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