Why is it that we find confident people attractive…almost magnetic?
This question came to mind as I was watching a TV commercial for the umpteenth time. I don’t recall whose commercial it is, but in one segment a young woman is wearing a plain sweatshirt and a baseball cap with the bill facing backward. It’s not attire that would naturally attract my attention, yet each time the commercial appears I find that I’m drawn to this segment. I kept wondering “Why am I so intrigued with this segment?” The answer is confidence.
The woman possesses an erect posture and matter-of-factly states her position. She exudes confidence which is why I find the segment so attractive.
Immediately following this realization I recalled people who are on the consistently confident end of the confidence spectrum. Each and everyone of them is attractive. People are naturally drawn to them. So what is it about confidence that people find so attractive?
There are a number of characteristics of consistently confident people that make them almost magnetic in their appeal to others. These characteristics include:
- Joy. Confident folks enjoy life and, consequently, smile a lot.
- Humility. Their confidence enables them to openly acknowledge and applaud others’ skills and knowledge while quietly enjoying their own.
- Non-judgmental. They accept people as they are, they don’t judge them simply because they possess different beliefs.
Sharing. Confident people always have time to listen to someone in need and willingly share what they know to help the person overcome the challenges they face. Their confidence enables them to put others first knowing that their needs will always be met.
- Vulnerability. They openly acknowledge the gaps in their knowledge and ability. They realize that making these admissions in no way diminishes who they are or what they have to offer society.
- Optimism. Regardless of the situation, confident people are optimistic about the future. Their optimism is contagious. It imbues us with hope and belief that, with confidence, everything is possible.
Given these characteristics is it any wonder that we are drawn to confident people?
Attractiveness goes well beyond physical characteristics. When I look in the mirror there’s no mistaking me for George Clooney, Brad Pitt or Matt Damon, yet I regularly get comments on my smile.
I believe it was in the movie, The Owl and the Pussycat, that Barbara Streisand’s character demonstrates how her facial expression can be enticing or off-putting. Her point is that it isn’t physical characteristics, but the expression of who we are that matters.
We all like to be attractive to others. All too often we focus on improving our appearance. While there’s nothing wrong with trying to make the most of what we have, we can produce greater results by developing the characteristics outlined above.
If you aren’t consistently joyful, begin and end each day by reflecting on all that’s good in your life. You’ll soon find that life’s challenges aren’t so daunting after all.
Lack humility? Stop seeking recognition for what you do. Instead focus on getting the result. You’ll be amazed at how readily others credit you for your contribution to the solution…when you’re not seeking recognition.
Are you in the habit of judging things as good or bad, right or wrong? Realize that judgments are automatic responses to situations and people you encounter. Pause whenever you find yourself judging things, remind yourself that situations are neither good nor bad, they’re simply something with which you have to deal. Similarly, people aren’t right or wrong. Each is entitled to his/her opinion whether you agree or not. Respecting others’ values is what gives you the right to expect that they respect yours.
If you experience scarcity, you’ll find it difficult to share. My experience has been that whenever I share what I know, whenever I strive to help another overcome the challenges they face, I gain a sense of self-worth, of value and I receive kindness in forms and from people that I would never have envisioned. Try it. Share with others. As you experience what I have you’ll quickly shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance.
All too often we avoid admitting our vulnerabilities to others because we think it makes us look weak. The reality is that, in the eyes of others, our admission demonstrates our confidence and trustworthiness. We are all vulnerable, none of us comes with the complete package. When we admit our vulnerabilities we encourage others to acknowledge theirs which serves us all well.
If you’re not optimistic as consistently as you’d like, ask yourself this question “When in my life have I faced a situation in which I’ve had no background or experience and failed to produce a positive result, to effectively deal with the situation I was facing?” If you’re being honest with yourself, if you’re not being overly harsh in your judgment, the answer is “never.” We always find a way to deal with the challenges we face. It’s much easier to be optimistic when you are aware of your ability to handle anything life sends your way.
Yes, developing, or strengthening, these characteristics takes effort, but the payback is huge. You not only become more attractive to others, you open the door to the joys of friendships you might not otherwise have created, a sense of self-worth, being valued as someone who helps others in need and, possibly, creating new, intriguing opportunities for yourself.
For our kids
If these are joys you’d like your kids to experience, teach them it’s not physical characteristics alone that make a person attractive. There are physically attractive people who feel that their good looks entitle them to preferential treatment. We’ve all met people with this attitude. Our reaction is that their demeanor so seriously erodes their physical beauty that we no longer find them attractive. Conversely, confident people are attractive, to the point of being magnetic, in their appeal regardless of physical appearance.
As you explain this, ask your kids to recall kids who are physically attractive that aren’t well liked. Then ask them to recall less physically attractive kids that others like. Ask them what makes this latter group so attractive and they’ll quickly realize that it’s their confidence, their demeanor, the characteristics outlined above that determines a person’s attractiveness.
Don’t forget to live these messages, kids emulate what we do not what we say.
I love hearing your thoughts and experiences, please share your thoughts in a comment.
If you’d like to enjoy great confidence, check out our Confidence Self-Study programs.
If you’d like to enrich the lives of others by teaching them to be more confident, check out our Teaching Confidence Instructor Certification program.
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