Confidence: What confident people don’t do

I’m often asked how can you tell whether or not a person is confident?  On the surface the question may seem absurd because we all have a sixth sense that tells us whether or not a person is confident.  But defining how one knows that a person is confident is another matter.

Expressing confidence

It’s often easier to describe confidence by what confident people don’t do, than the myriad things they do well.  That’s the approach we’ll take today.

Confident people don’t:

  • Tout their confidence…they allow others to sense it.
  • Brag about their results…they allow the results to speak for them.
  • Denigrate others…they elevate others.
  • Tout their skills or abilities…they allow others to do so for them.
  • Shy away from challenges…they pursue them.
  • Panic when things go awry…they remain calm and craft effective solutions.
  • Complicate things to demonstrate how educated they are…they simplify things which highlights their real genius.
  • Speak…as much as they listen.
  • Judge…instead they seek to understand.
  • Hide from their mistakes…they readily acknowledge them.
  • Teach…unless someone has expressed a desire to learn.
  • Believe that they know everything…instead, they learn from everyone.
  • Disagree…they seek common ground.
  • Care about who gets the credit…they get the result.


If you’re as savvy as I believe you are, you’ve been evaluating yourself along these criteria.  The key is to use this self-evaluation to further enhance your confidence.

The natural tendency for most people is to focus on their shortcomings in a self-evaluation and diminish their self worth in the process.  What we should be doing is celebrating the things we already do well and use the others as guides on how we can express our confidence more effectively.

For our kids

The items listed above can also point the way to how you can teach your kids to express their confidence in ways that others admire and appreciate.  They’ll not only be confident, they’ll gain the trust and respect of others…they’ll become better human beings.  Something virtually all parents want for their children.

Remember, kids tend to mimic their parents behavior.  If you’re serious about helping them express their confidence more effectively, begin doing so yourself.

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