One of the benefits of confidence is the calming effect it has on those who are aware of their confidence. You’ll notice that I didn’t say “people who are confident.” The reality is that we are all confident at times…and in certain situations. But it’s only those aware of their confidence that gain this benefit.
All too often we aren’t aware of moments of confidence because we do what we know works, it works as anticipated and we move on. The reason why these moments aren’t memorable is that they don’t trigger any emotions. There’s no surprise involved. We knew what would work and it did. Nothing exceptional or awe inspiring in that.
That’s not true when we’re not certain what to do or when things don’t go as planned. In both of these situations we experience fear, anxiety and frustration. As a result we are aware that we aren’t feeling confident. The emotions that exist in these situations trigger long-term memories of times when we didn’t feel confident. Conversely, few, if any, memories are created during instances in which were confident because emotions were triggered.
When you’re aware of your confidence, you naturally remain calm during any situation you face. I first became aware of this when one of my clients asked “How do you do it?” When I asked “Do what?,” she said “It doesn’t matter how dire the situation or how frantic those around you become, you remain calm and craft simple, effective solutions.”
Her insight helped me realize something about myself that I hadn’t noticed: that I am able to remain calm regardless of the situation I’m facing. From her insight I realized that calm is a natural byproduct of confidence.
The reason is that people who are aware of their confidence know that they’ve always found a way to deal with anything that has come their way. As a result they know that they’ll be able to handle anything at any time and in any situation. This realization is what enables them to be calm.
Calm makes them better listeners. They listen carefully knowing that they’ll hear what’s needed to come up with ways of dealing with the situation they’re facing. They don’t rush to judgment. Their calm enables them to be patient knowing that things must unfold completely before viable solutions surface. Their attitude is “everything in its time.” They know that some solutions may take weeks or months to surface. In the meantime, they’re calm, patient and continuously on the alert for that missing piece of information that will solve the problem.
I often tell clients “The cool head wins.” Having a cool head requires the ability to remain calm regardless of how “dire the situation or how frantic those around you become.”
Shortly after rising, remind yourself to pay attention to the things that go well during the day. In particular, notice how confident you were in producing the result. Also notice how calm you were. When you remind yourself to pay attention to these elements, your subconscious mind will automatically perform the task for you.
As you repeat this daily process for a week or two, you’ll discover that your subconscious mind automatically looks for these situations and reminds you of how confident and calm you were in dealing with whatever you faced during the day. At this point you become consciously aware of just how capable you are at dealing with anything that comes your way. You become more calm. You listen more effectively. You find solutions more quickly…and these solutions are simpler and more effective than at anytime previously in your life.
The comfort and joy of your awareness of your confidence will help you form the habit of being confident, calm and effective. It’s a joy to live this way.
For our kids
You can help your kids become aware of their confidence. Watch for moments in which they’ve dealt effectively with a situation.
If the situation was one they’ve previously dealt with successfully, ask them “How did you know that you’d be able to handle [this situation]? Is that what enabled you to remain so calm?”
If it was an unfamiliar situation, ask them “Did you find a solution for [the situation]? And you did that without any prior experience with [that situation]? Doesn’t that bode well for your ability to handle any situation you face?” Then let them know that confidence in their ability enables them to be calm and patient in dealing with any situation they face…and that the cool head wins.
As you see them becoming more aware of their confidence and employing it more effectively, congratulate them on their ability to remain calm in the face of adversity and, as a result, for crafting simple, effective solutions.
Finally, share the daily routine of reminding themselves to pay attention to the things that go well during the day, noting their feelings of confidence and calm. More importantly, live this routine for they’re more likely to mimic your behavior than listen to your words.
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