Comfort: Essential for Confidence?

Are comfort and confidence inextricably linked?

Background

This question arose as I was reading Yoga: The Science of the Soul by Osho. In this book he cites a Sutra (lesson) which states that “posture should be steady and comfortable.” For if the body is not comfortable harmony cannot be achieved.

My initial reaction was “That makes sense.” Then I wondered “Might this apply to confidence?”

Comfort and confidence

What I realized that the comfort needed for confidence is not the physical comfort indicated by the posture Sutra. Instead, it’s the comfort afforded by alignment with your natural style.

People, who assimilate information quickly, decide quickly and are quite willing to live with the consequences, don’t gain comfort from extensive research or protracted planning processes.

The opposite is true. When others require them to postpone a decision they’re ready to make, they become impatient, anxious and resentful. They feel that they’ve lost control. They may even feel that an opportunity or competitive advantage is slipping away, consequently they lose confidence instead of gaining it.

Conversely, people, who are deliberate in their decision-making, who aren’t comfortable until they do extensive research and revisit the findings of their research several times, need time and information to be confident in their decisions.

When forced to decide quickly, which they’ll resist with every fiber of their being, the discomfort they experience is excruciating. It’s impossible for them to feel confident because their process for gaining confidence has been short-circuited.

In both instances, the lack of confidence often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. An opportunity or an advantage is lost. Or results aren’t achieved because of some ‘unforeseen’ obstacle.

The above are just two examples of misalignment of natural style and the choices being made. Sometimes we feel that these choices are being foist upon us by others. At other times we feel an urgency that causes us to forego our natural style. Regardless of the reason, we’re creating discomfort that reduces our confidence.

Comfort comes from staying true to your natural style, confidence follows comfort.

For you

When you feel your confidence wane, ask yourself “Am I being true to my natural style? Or am I trying to force a decision (solution)?”

If you’re being true to your natural style, keep searching for the reason that your confidence is declining. There is something else making you uncomfortable.

If you aren’t being true to your natural style, stop. Return to your natural style and you’ll quickly feel fears and anxiety melt away. Your confidence will grow and the likelihood of achieving the outcome you desire will go up dramatically.

For our kids

As you observe your kids, notice their natural style. When they’re experiencing a confidence crisis, you’ll be able to ascertain whether it’s because they moved away from their natural style or whether there’s another reason for the doubts, fear and anxiety they’re experiencing.

When you see them fighting their natural style, ask them questions that let them discover that the reason for their discomfort, for their fears and anxiety are the result of diverging from their natural style. You’ll be amazed how quickly their confidence returns once they’ve returned to their natural style.

I love hearing your thoughts and experiences. Share your wisdom so that we may all learn, write a comment.

If you’d like to enjoy great confidence, check out our Confidence Self-Study programs.

If you’d like to enrich the lives of others by teaching them to be more confident, check out our Teaching Confidence Instructor Certification program.

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2 Responses

  1. Nancy Thompson

    Dale, I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of needing to stay true to one’s natural style to feel comfortable in a decision and for confidence to be an outcome of such. I was recently involved in a situation where I was ready to move employ someone and they shut me down because they didn’t feel I was ready. As a result I became impatient, anxious and resentful and temporarily felt like I’d lost a little control.

    The good news is that I didn’t lose confidence in myself – I lost confidence in the other person’s ability to recognize and accept that I was ready, willing and able to move forward. Consequently they lost out on income and doing business with someone motivated to move forward (me). I also realized perhaps this person was someone who would second guess me at every decision point. In my opinion, that was great information to have up front – vs. learning that in the thick of working together and having processes drawn out extensively. I believe that realization saved me a lot of wasted time. Perhaps their style was to be shown signs from now until the end of time that I was ready. Obviously I’m not their target market.
    I simply didn’t have time or desire to chase that rabbit.

    Live and learn right?!

    • Dale Furtwengler

      Indeed, live and learn…learning is something I intend to do until the day I die.

      I’m thrilled to hear that you didn’t allow the other person’s perception diminish your confidence. Other people’s perceptions only matter when their observations help you get closer to the goal you want to achieve. That wasn’t the case here and you recognized it as such which helped you keep your confidence intact. Kudos to you, Nancy. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

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